Well hello again!!!

I have started blogging on a site where I do online meetings, so thought I would share what I said here. The meeting was around asserting yourself, and here is the blog post.

What does assert yourself mean to you? Where in your life do you take a back seat, and at what cost? I would like you to take a moment and write that down.

Where do you say yes when you really mean no, then hold resentments or frustrations or guilt afterward? Are you so busy pleasing others you forget about what you want or who you really are?

If you say yes, what are you saying no to? Conversely, if you are saying no, what are you saying yes to?

I think everyone on this site has chosen a healthier lifestyle or they wouldn't be here. Have you found yourself making less than healthy choices because that is what your friends or family wanted? No more! Assert yourself- be the leader in this healthy lifestyle, and let those who choose to follow you do so, and those who don't, no worries- they just miss out on the fun. Stand up for who you are, and in doing so you will be taking your power back. When you're planning a get together, make it something fun and active, like going for a stroll in the park,maybe a game of tag, or flying a kite or whatever makes the child inside you laugh and giggle!!! Choose healthier places to eat, and eat healthier snacks. Create the life you want to live.

Asserting yourself is also asking for what you want! Asking for what you want sounds pretty simple, yes? Do you actually do it? How many times do you think others should know what you want, then get mad when your needs aren’t met? Unmet expectations are the cause of most conflicts.

For years I was upset that my husband seldom bought me flowers. I wished he was more romantic, that he would buy me flowers just because. And he never did. I resented him for that. Finally I told him I wanted him to bring me flowers because to me that showed he loved me. And guess what? He started bringing me flowers, just because!

What is it in your life you aren’t asking for? My challenge to you is to ask for what you want this week. No manipulating, whining or wishing things were different- ask for what you want! The worse that could happen likely is things will stay the same- the best is you will get what you want!

Another way of asserting ourselves is through setting boundaries. Boundaries are about being clear on what is important to you and again, asking for what you want. If you don’t want to listen to dirty jokes for instance, telling people not to share dirty jokes with you. If you don’t want junk food in the house, telling your partner that. Boundaries are a way to personal freedom. Boundaries are to keep us healthy, they show respect for who we are. It is about you respecting and honouring yourself, not about building walls around yourself. Boundaries are not rigid rules, you can change them as you grow or simply remove them.

I would like you now to take a moment to think of some boundaries you would like to set. Then write them down.

Now pick one, the easiest to begin with. The first thing to do is know what the boundary is, next is why you want to create it. Are you acting out of anger or revenge, or are you coming from a place of wanting to enhance your relationship by letting the other person know how you feel and how you want to be treated? If you are coming from anger or revenge, first clear the emotion before having the conversation. Ideas on how to clear that emotion? Talk to a friend, counsellor, coach, workout, run, write a letter and don’t mail it.

Next, find a support person who you can practise (role play) with beforehand, and commiserate with afterward. You are trying on a new behaviour, which will be unfamiliar and could be scary. You may not be that great at it to start with, and people may get upset with you because it’s a behaviour they haven’t seen before. Next, practise what you will say. Use non-abrasive language. Come from a place of talking to that person as you would have them talk to you- from a place of love, an honouring place. For example, “Joe, please lower your voice. It is not okay to yell at me, and if you continue, we will have to finish this conversation when you’re calmed down. If you lower your voice, I’m willing to discuss it now,” is much more honouring than “Joe, shut up! I can’t stand it when you yell at me! From now on I’m leaving when you start screaming!”

Next, set a date to have your conversation and do it!

Finally- Debrief with your support person.

The whole thing about boundaries is speaking your truth. You don’t have to make excuses or explain, just be true to yourself. Is it hard? In the beginning it may be, and gets easier with practice. The more you practise, the stronger you become and the easier it becomes. You grow stronger and more confident. You may disappoint or hurt some people because you will be changing some behaviours with them. But you are being true to yourself and honest and transparent with them about what is true for you. What type of communication do you want in your life, open and honest or closed and resentful?

So, what is that boundary you would like to set for yourself? Start off with a simple one!

Have fun asserting yourself and taking back your power!!! Cheers to a great week!!!!

Time goes by...

Hello out there!!!

I decided to review my website to see what needed updating, and noticed the "blog"- that tool that is supposed to work miracles at generating traffic- that tool that is a good idea that I haven't got the hang of yet! Did I take that course in January? No! Why not? Because I got caught up in the hype of the marketing, signed up and really wasn't ready for it. In fact I never got past that first post!

How often do you do that in life? Jump at things that sound great, without giving it too much thought? Thankfully I'm slowing down on this, that old habit of reacting rather than responding. I do know I follow through with those things that are really important to me. And some things are like this blog- I start, then stop, then continue when I think about it again, then stop, then continue and eventually they become habit (or not)! Reminds me of when I quit smoking! In 30 years of smoking how many times did I stop only to start again? Too many times to count. Different methods, different ways- cold turkey, the patch, hypnosis, positive affirmations, butt jars etc. Each time I quit I knew it would work- and I'd fail. Each time I started up again it became more difficult to try to quit, as I was tired of failure. I'd read the statistics that most people try to quit on average 8 times before it finally works, so I decided to give it one last attempt. That was 8 years ago, and I've been a non-smoker ever since. That gives me hope for blogging!!!

The difference is then I beat myself up each time I failed. This time I don't. I learned I can choose how I feel by changing my thoughts, rather than falling victim to those voices in my head. And I seldom have those berating voices, which makes for a more peaceful, joyful life. I am so blessed!!!

Instead of beating myself up, I look at what I could do differently and decide what to do next. In this case, it is to continue merrily on my way, experimenting with blogging as and when the urge arises. And I choose to be gentle with myself, it serves nobody for me to beat myself up. With all of the evidence showing that we truly are connected, and that peace starts within each of us, remainng calm and loving toward myself is a step I can take toward world peace! Dr. Bruce Lipton says our body is like the Universe. When we have harmony in our body, there will be harmony in our community, in our Earth, in our Universe.

Speaking of Peace- Lynn McTaggart is conducting a world wide Peace Intention Experiment starting Sept 14th. For further information or to sign up, go to www.theintentionexperiment.com/peace

With peace, love, laughter and delight,
Cheers to you!

Happy New Year!!!

Wow, here it is, January, 2008!!! I've been a tad remiss on posting, a new habit I need to develop.

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

• The best blogging techniques.
• How to get traffic to your blog.
• How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

And maybe, just maybe I'll start blogging more often!

Cheers to a great 2008!

With love and light,
Norma

Our House has Four Rooms

Summer has finally arrived in the Northern Hemisphere! What a wonderful time of year, a time when we naturally are drawn outdoors to enjoy the beauty of this incredible planet, to smell the flowers and witness the incredible growth and abundance of Mother Nature. It is a time when most of us naturally have more energy and feel more positive, where we are grateful for the beauty and abundance that surrounds us. It is a time when we get out and play more often, which is good for the body, mind and soul!

And for some of us, it's that dreaded time of year- time to buy a bathing suit!!! We have been fed via television, radio and print all our lives that slim is in; if we weren't slim, we weren't in! That slim people are the beautiful people, fat people have a problem. With bathing suit shopping comes the awareness for some of us of how we hadn't paid attention to what we ate or how much exercise we did over the winter. And for some of us a barrage of negative self-talk- or hate- showers us. We don't accept the way we are; instead believing we should be something different, like the persons in the magazines. And some of us have given up on ever feeling fit and fabulous again.

"What's the use? I've lost weight only to gain it back time and again, there's no point in even thinking about it- I'll join a gym, go for a bit, then watch the monthly payments come out, my bank account getting slimmer as my waistline expands. Or I'll go, feel great, eat properly, lose my weight, feel on top of the world, and then gain it all back and more and feel even worse! I'll prove myself a failure yet again."

Does that sound like your self-talk? That was mine! For years I had this continuous cycle. I'd gain a few pounds, join a gym or exercise program, work out regularly and eat healthier, and feel great. I'd tell myself I would continue on with eating properly and exercising for life, and gradually go back to my old habits, stop exercising and eating whatever I wanted. I'd gain weight, start feeling really sluggish, get disgusted with myself and join a gym, eat properly and go through the whole cycle again and again, each time gaining a few extra pounds. I got to the point where I didn't think I would ever be anything but fat, and could not see myself being slim again.

Then I realized that getting into great shape meant getting into great shape mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. Before I was taking care of my physical self, which also improved my mental, emotional and spiritual outlook to a point. After a while, it wasn't enough to take care of my negative self-talk, or the emotions I felt, or my faith in myself . Once I realized I needed to care for myself spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally to be healthy, and started doing so, then the weight became an (almost) non-issue.

I could still lose a few pounds, but I feel great and maintain a reasonable weight. I exercise most days and eat healthily, although could eat smaller portions. I know when I neglect to take care of myself in any of the areas, the weight comes back. When I start gaining weight, it's time for me to look at what I haven't been paying attention to and do the work to feel fabulous once again.
Rumer Godden said, "There is an Indian Belief that everyone is in a house of four rooms: A physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not complete." My challenge to you this week is to take inventory of how you care for yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. Is there a room or two that needs some attention? If so, what fun practice could you begin right now?

Trying something new!!!

Hello!!!!

Here is my first venture into the wonderful world of blogging! What a hoot!!!

About three years ago, when blogging was brand new, I sat in on a few teleclasses on how to get a blog going. It sounded way too complicated, so I decided to put it on the backburner, on the bottom of my to do list.

I love to write, and am not doing all that fabulous at getting my newsletter out there each month, so thought it would be great to have a blog and just blog whenever I felt like it.

I made a comment to my coach yesterday that I wanted to get a blog going. She asked me how long I thought it would take- I figured a long time. She said it took her ten minutes!!! So here I am, with my own blog!!! How kewl is that???? And it only took a minute or two to get this up- the pictures, color etc will come later!!!

And I wonder how often we are held back from starting something because we make up a story that it will take too long, or be too complicated or???? It really is about taking that first step, setting things in motion by taking action!!!!

Cheers to a fabulous day- and maybe starting on that something you've been putting off!!!!